Ling's husband

I have saved the best blog posts from my previous now-defunct blog and bringing them back here as Throwback Thursday posts so without further ado, please enjoy this post about my Husband’s penis which was originally published on 3rd September 2012.

This is the long-awaited story about my Husband’s “Penis”

Are you ready to see a picture of my Husband’s “Penis”?
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BAM!!!!!

my husband's penis, the pillow

Yep, say Hello to Penis the Pillow.

I don’t know how, I don’t know when, I don’t know why { actually, I do know WHY…just read on… } but for some bizarre reason, we started nicknaming random objects around the house.  His pillow slash bolster was named Penis – because it is long (oo-er!) and it is floppy (oo-er!) and well, sometimes it gets horny { his words, not mine! } and sticks out of the pillowcase { AKA the Foreskin – again, his words, not mine! }

Penis the Pillow and I are not BFFs { that’s Best Friends Forever for the acronym noobs }.  We hate each other with a passion.  I hate it because it looks and smells disgusting covered in the Husband’s drools from when he cuddles it to sleep and especially when it sticks out of the case with the yukky itchy cheap pillow material oozing out.

Anyway, stay with me here.

There is a funny part to this bizarre story because last year, our guy friend’s parents { who were visiting him but live overseas } came to stay with us for a few days.

Yes, let’s clarify this…

Our guy friend from Church – his PARENTS who also go to Church in their country of origin.

They would be like the equivalent of some Auntie and Uncle in Church.  Except we didn’t know them beforehand.  So it’s not like me or my Husband grew up knowing them.  So we are basically strangers.

We were not used to having guests staying over at our tiny rental unit house { we have since moved to a bigger house } so on their first night, when they went to bed, we went to bed too.

This is what happened…true story…

Him :  *whispers*  Oh look, Penis is sticking out.  I think it’s horny again!
Me :  *forgets to whisper*  STOP IT!  NOOOO!!!
Him :  *waves Penis the Pillow in the air and shoves it near my face to annoy me*
Me :  THAT’S DISGUSTING!  I DON’T WANT IT!  STOP PUTTING YOUR PENIS IN MY FACE!

…and then we remembered we had guests…and we remembered the walls were thin as they were literally next door…and we burst into laughter with tears running down our faces…I laughed even more when the Husband buried his face into his Penis the Pillow…and we were totally red-faced in the morning.

Gosh, what must they think of us?!!

By the way, I managed to get rid of the Original Penis { it’s in the spare room for any overnight guests to use at their free will the Original Penis has now left the building } and the Husband now owns a Green Penis.

Original Penis the Pillow vs Green Penis

As you can see Green Penis is longer, sturdier and cleaner looking – which makes the Original Penis look inadequate!

Hope this made you laugh as much as it made us laugh!  This is a true story…just ask the Auntie and Uncle who stayed over 😛

Gosh, what must you think of me for writing the word Penis at least 15 times in this blog post?!!!

Bucket List Checklist :  Write a blog post containing the word Penis for a minimum of 15 times.

DONE!  *pats myself on the back with Penis the Pillow*

{ Side note :  Green Penis is now over 2 years old (in penis years, that is almost an antique!) and suffering from erectile dysfunction.  New young and stealthy penis wanted.  Please send all enquires to lingoutloud [at] gmail.com *winks* }

Do you or your partner (inappropriately) name inanimate household objects?  Share them below!

2 Comments on Throwback Thursday : My Husband’s Penis

  1. Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me
    November 21, 2014 at 11:11 pm (3 years ago)

    Ha ha this is a crack up! My hubby’s pillow is also something I stay well clear of! We name most of our appliances and our pool cleaner is called Barry! Thanks for linking with the Laugh Link! Emily

    Reply
    • Ling
      November 22, 2014 at 9:45 pm (3 years ago)

      LOL, thanks for reading Emily 🙂 I knew we weren’t the only weird family to name our household appliances 😛

      Reply

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