black and white father & daughter photo

December marks the anniversary of two losses.

March 31st 2012 was the first time I found out I was pregnant.  We saw and heard the heartbeat of this little treasure.  But sadly, this heart stopped beating a few weeks later.  The expected due date was 9th December 2012.

A few months later, we were blessed with those two lines that meant “Pregnant”.  Again, we saw and heard the heartbeat of this second little treasure.

On the 9th of December 2012, I cried for the little one that was lost earlier that year whilst holding onto my not-yet-showing belly.

Days later, on the 11th, this second little heart stopped beating too.

Devastated is an understatement.

Then last year, I was blessed with our 3rd pregnancy.  And this little one, who you all know as Bunty, was a fighter…although we had our fair share of scary moments in the early stages.

We found out she was going to be a girl.  Her expected due date was 15th December 2013..but she arrived on the 17th with her hand in the air!

I was relatively stress-free and relaxed during the latter stages of my pregnancy, but when it came to December, I lost it as I remembered the other two little heartbeats.

Of course, I know I am NOW super blessed to be a mum to a gorgeous baby girl.  But I will never forget about my two little treasures.  And I just wanted to take this opportunity to publicly acknowledge them on my blog.

When Bunty grows up and understands, we will tell her about her two older siblings who never made it into this world.

Early pregnancy loss is actually very common but it’s a taboo subject.  I hope to share a bit more about what I went through in future posts, in the hope that it will help someone out there going through the same thing.

One more thing…

…it is NEVER okay to say, “Oh it doesn’t matter about the other two.  You have Bunty now!” { yep, someone said that to me! } because it DOES matter.  They all matter.

You are welcome to share your story in the comments section.  (I will delete any inconsiderate and insensitive comments.)  If you have experienced a tragic loss and need support, try http://www.sands.org.au.  Alternatively, if you would like to contact me directly in confidence, my email is lingoutloud[at]gmail.com – I may not be of much help but I am here if you need me.

4 Comments on Sunday Sharing – December, A Month To Remember

  1. Norlin
    December 14, 2014 at 4:36 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh hon, of course it matters! Some people are just so hideously INSENSITIVE!! I remember being so happy for you when we went to Sydney with I think your second pregnancy and being so devastated when I heard the loss 🙁 I kinda wondered if it’s because the air-con was turned off that other night? Ok I know it’s got nothing to do with it, but I did wonder. I think it’s absolutely normal for you to still have a place for the first two precious lovelies in your heart. xx

    Reply
    • Ling
      December 24, 2014 at 9:05 pm (2 years ago)

      Oh yes, we went to Sydney together with the second one!! I was so worried about every little thing – food, travelling on the plane, the smelly dude who sat next to me…!!! But the air con never crossed my mind… It was sad times in my life but so grateful to have supportive family and friends (like you!) around to keep me going xx

      Reply
  2. Jenny
    May 13, 2015 at 1:03 pm (2 years ago)

    Hi Ling,
    I just discovered your blog through some random Google search about Costco (hahah!) and have been reading through and laughing all morning whilst dealing with a constipated 19-month-old who decided today was the day to finally let loose and his three-year-old brother who has decided hitting is his new favourite hobby.

    This post really resonated with me and I am so sorry for your losses. We recently lost a baby (in April) and the feeling is something you just cannot put into words. It’s that lingering memory, the what could have beens, the what ifs. I love how you highlighted that early pregnancy loss is indeed very common and how it is seen as a taboo subject. We had not announced our pregnancy but as soon as we found out we had lost the baby (we were nearly at the twelve week mark) I felt this overwhelming need to acknowledge my child, my baby. I know every person is different, but I could not just sweep this under the rug and pretend that it never happened. Little things remind me of the baby we lost and I knew I couldn’t go through the rest of my life just keeping everything to myself. And yes, I also got a lot of insensitive comments. One person actually asked me if I had caused my miscarriage by not being careful – yes, I am not kidding. As if that is the kind of question you ask ANYONE never mind a woman who just lost a child. Obviously they don’t know anything about miscarriage at all! And yes, I also got the “well, you already have two…” comments too. People really astound me sometimes.

    Thank you for sharing your story, your baby girl is so adorable! I normally never post random comments on blogs but I was so happy to see another mama acknowledging angel babies (especially an Asian, I am Asian as well and I know how bad Asians are at acknowledging anything “negative” which of course in their eyes miscarriages are).

    Keep being awesome! 🙂
    xo

    Reply
    • Ling
      May 20, 2015 at 1:20 pm (2 years ago)

      Hi Jenny, thank you!!!

      Thank you for taking your time to comment – I am also a blog lurker who lurks and rarely comments on blogs so I really appreciate it! Especially when you have your hands full with your two kidlets!

      And thank you for sharing and I am so sorry to hear of your loss too. I cannot believe you had such IDIOTIC comments from people. They just don’t seem to have a filter!!!! I just wish I had the balls to shout and yell at them for their insensitivity. It’s such a horrible horrible thing to go through and it’s so common – I just wish there was more support for women like us. It’s not something easy to talk about but when you do, it’s not handled well by others…sighs…

      And yeah, you are SOOOO right about Asians not acknowledging negativity. They are also not very good at conveying emotions…except the angry kind…haha…

      I was actually thinking of taking down this post recently as I was worried that I had shared too much about myself on cyberspace…but after your comment, I’m keeping this post published because I am glad it has resonated with someone who has tragically gone through a similar situation.

      Thanks again Jenny xxx

      Reply

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