You know how in every couple, they usually have their own secret non-verbal language.

The dangerous look that screams “Say another word and you will regret it later!” or the seductive raised eyebrow look that says “Let’s go home and get busy tonight!” 

These secret non-verbal language skills are usually acquired during the dating period – remember those flirtatious glances you used to give?

Mr LOL and Ling

Well, Mr LOL and I have a problem.  We didn’t date for very long before we got married.  Less than 6 months and most of the time, I was in Sydney and he was in Melbourne.

And so, we’ve never really had a chance to play mind games and create our own secret non-verbal language.

In fact, sometimes even verbal communication is lost in translation.

Him :  Let’s have sex!
Me :  No

He translates “No” as “Yes” and proceeds to come up behind me to grind against me.  Hello?  How is that sexy?!!

Anyway, after 4 years of marriage, I have discovered that I can read his non-verbal clues easily because of my super powers of observation.

The same cannot be said for him.  He does not have a clue when I am trying to tell him things telepathically.

This lack of secret communication between us hasn’t been an issue until recently.

Because recently, his parents moved in with us.

*insert awkward silence*

When I say ‘recently’, it’s been 11.5 weeks now…

{ To the reader who asked me if my in-laws read my blog, I don’t know but I sincerely hope not as that would be creepy as this is not catered for their reading pleasure! }

Aaaaand let’s continue…

So the story goes like this.

One night, we were eating a quiet dinner.

I am a big believer in baby-led weaning which means that Bunty self-feeds herself.

baby led weaning is messy

As you can imagine, it gets messy.  Very messy.

MIL got up to get a face cloth to wipe Bunty’s face.

I looked up and immediately thought to myself – OH NO!!!

I looked at Hubs and gave him the “OH MY GOODNESS!  CAN YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?” silent eyes.

His verbal reply – “Hey, what’s wrong with your eyes?”

Me – “UH…NOTHING!”

Two seconds later, I tried eye signalling him again.  My eyeballs screamed – “LOOK!!!!  LOOK AT WHAT YOUR MUM IS DOING TO BUNTY!!!!” and I did a subtle nod towards their direction.

Him – “Huh?  What’s wrong??”

Everyone turned to look at me and I forced a smile and carried on eating whilst sending a telepathic “OMG MR LOL!  WHY ARE YOU SO STOOOOOOPID?  WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!!!” message.

I rolled my eyes dramatically, gave a big angry silent sigh, then did a death stare into my rice bowl.

Later that night, when we finally got a chance to talk about what had happened…

Him :  What was that about earlier?
Me :  Did you not see??!!!
Him :  What??
Me :  Your mum used my Vagina Towel to wipe Bunty’s face!!!
Him :  Hahahahaha!!!
Me :  But that’s disgusting!  Poor Bunty!!!
Him :  It’s okay.  She came out of there anyway.  Smells like home.

What is my Vagina Towel? – you ask

Pretty self-explanatory.

It’s a face cloth that I don’t use on my face.  Sometimes, you need a quick wipe down there for whatever reason { hey, don’t judge!  I shower every day, thank you very much! } and I have a set of face cloths that are used for that reason alone.  I use it for my business then chuck it into the wash.

{ Side note :  The hubs and I have a tendency to call inanimate objects weird names like his pillow which is called Penis.  True story here. }

Since my MIL has been doing the occasional laundry, she must have assumed that these face cloths were for the baby’s face.

Erm, no.

I told her to stop using those face cloths on Bunty’s face so she did.  But then she started to use them to wipe the tables.

*insert monkey hiding eyes emoji*

Anyway, I’m not giving up.  I’m going to keep practising my secret non-verbal communication with hubs till he gets me.

“MAKE ME A CUP OF TEA.  NO I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX.  LET ME WATCH DOWNTON ABBEY IN PEACE.  PRETTY PLEASE!”

Do you send your partner secret silent messages too?

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