McDrama

mcdonalds drive thru, mcdonalds breakfast, mcdonalds australia, melbourne foodie

One of life’s simple but oh-so-sinful pleasures is a big fat greasy breakfast.  It’s even better when :-

  • you don’t have to cook it yourself
  • there is no need to wash up afterwards
  • you’ve got a healthy breakfast in the fridge { overnight oats } but you know it’s naughty and you’re living on the edge { or as young people like to say YOLO }
  • you can savour every mouthful without interruption from say, an attention-seeking { but oh very cute } baby

Well, yours truly was dreaming of one of these big fat greasy breakfasts the other week.

I had just dropped Bunty off at childcare.  I was feeling a bit rough because Bunty had a somewhat unsettled sleep during the night { she woke 3 times }.

Also, I was still getting over the trauma of being anally probed from the day before { read the TMI details here }.

And it so happened that I didn’t have to start work till 12.30pm that day so I had 3 hours to kill.

Surely, it was a sign.

A sign that said, “Head to your nearest McDonald’s Drive Thru and order a Sausage & Egg McMuffin Meal Breakfast, you naughty thing Ling!”

Of course, I could not ignore the sign so off I zoomed…

Hi, can I take your order please?
Yes, hi.  Can I have a Sausage & Egg McMuffin Meal.  NO CHEESE.
Sure.  Was that with orange juice?
Yes please.
And was that a Large meal?
Um…(thinks to myself…Large is only a Large drink.  It’s not like I get a Large Hash Brown!)…no, I’ll just go Medium please.
Sure.  And would you like another Hash Brown for $1?
Um…(say YES!  SAY YES!)…no, I better not, hehe.
Okay, drive on through please.

Paid.  Collected my order.  Smelt delish.  Zoomed off home.  Practically ran out of the car and into the house.  Dashed off to grab my camera and set everything up on the table.

You see…

I was planning to snap some pics and then send it to the Husband to gloat.

“Look at what I’m having for breakfast whilst you are hustling away!”

If you have eagle eyes, you will already have noticed in the photo that my order was WRONG!

WRONG WRONG WRONG!

Cheese.

EVERYTHING about cheese is wrong in my cheese-hating lactose intolerant cheese-phobic opinion.

I was so CHEESED OFF { see what I did there?! } that I rang up my local McDonald’s to complain.

“I can tell you’re frustrated…” – the manager said.
“No sh*t Sherlock!” – was my imaginary alter ego response but what I really said was, “B-b-but I said NO CHEESE!!”

Anyway, long story short.  They’ll give me a freebie on my next visit.  Yes, I could have driven back to get a new cheese-free meal, but could I be arsed?  NO!

Meanwhile, my stomach was growling.  I was cursing myself for NOT ordering the extra Hash Brown for ONE DOLLAR!  I decided to scrape off that neon yellow nasty melted toxic cheese off the patty and dowse it with ketchup so I could eat it.

maccas breakfast, maccas burger, heinz ketchup, ketchup juice

It was a new bottle of Heinz Tomato Ketchup.  It took me forever and a day to remove the safety sticker thing and when I squeezed, I got ketchup juice!  { the watery shizz that comes out instead of ketchup }

Just ugh!!!  Could my day get any worse??!!

But after eating some of the half-salvaged muffin { okay, who am I kidding?  I ate all of the non-cheese-contaminated part } and that delicious Hash Brown, I sipped my OJ and thought…

Wow!  Peace and quiet!  { except for the birds chirping outside like a scene from a Disney cartoon }  I’m actually having ME TIME!  A luxury that is hard to come by these days.

…and I smiled.

Cheesy grins aside { I am too pun-tastic today! }, I actually had a good day after my McDrama.  It involved getting tipsy on pink champers but that’s another story for another day!

Have you ever had one of those days where you are cheesed off at the start but it turns out to be a good day anyway?  Are you also a fan of Macca breakfasts?

The Birth Story Of Bunty

birth story of Bunty

Before I embark on the exciting tale of my birth experience as a public patient at Mercy Hospital for Women in Heidelberg, I would like to point out 5 important things :-

1.  You are totally awesome!  Thanks for tuning in to my new blog *mwah*  You may be sitting on the train to work or you need a bit of bedtime reading or you could be sitting on the loo thrusting out a big poo – but wherever you are, I hope to give you a lot of blog reading pleasure!

2.  Do NOT read this post if you are about to give birth as you may not want to open your legs to pop that sprog as I did have a bit of a traumatic experience…!  But you’re going to ignore me and read on, aren’t you?

3.  I look TERRible and horrIFIC { = TERRIFIC! I wish!!! } in the photos thanks to Mr LOL’s insane ability to capture my ugly moments.  If you think the photos in this post are bad, you should see the ones I have at home with my wide-open legs up in the air.  Definitely NOT suitable for anyone’s eyes!!!

4.  I didn’t have a birth plan except to “wing it” and do all it takes to get the baby out safely.  Every mother has a different birth experience so I’m just sharing mine.

5.  It’s a long story so grab a drink and sit comfortably.  It may also contain #TMI { = Too Much Info } and scenes of a squeamish nature.  Proceed with caution.

Let’s begin…

15th December 2013 – EDD

EDD.  The estimated due date of the baby.  The day we have all been waiting for.  But only 4% of women actually give birth on their EDD.  I was already the size of TWO whales { I piled on 25 kgs } but absolutely nowt happened.

In fact, my Mum, Mr LOL and I play Candy Crush all day on our iPads.  Just before we head to bed, Mr LOL completes all the levels (at that time) of Candy Crush and turns to talk to my bump, “Okay, Bunty come out and play with Daddy.  I’m ready now.”  She responds with a little kick to my ribs.

baby bump, pregnant lady

16th December 2013 – Waters Broken

Around 2am, I wake up to pee and discover that my knickers are slightly wet!  I am convinced my waters have broken but Mr LOL thinks I am being a drama-mama-to-be and declares that I have most likely peed my pants and goes back to sleep.

An hour and a half later, I get up again to go to the toilet.  I check my sanitary pad that I whacked on and it is dry.  I am totally disappointed, but just as I stand up, I feel a trickle run down my leg and it is at this precise moment that I KNOW my waters have broken.

“OH MY GASSSH!!  MY WATERS HAVE BROKEN!!!  I FELT IT TRICKLE DOWN MY LEG!!!  WAKE UP MR LOL!!!!”

I expect him to leap out of bed and to take me to the hospital at the speed of Superman.  Instead, Mr LOL lays there like a lump of lard and opens one eye and says, “Nah, the doctors will just send you home because your labour hasn’t started yet.”  And he turns and buries his face further into his pillow.

Long story short, we eventually head to the hospital to get assessed.  After an inconclusive sniff test { yep, they sniffed my knickers to see if it was urine! }, they perform a swab test and discover that my waters have indeed broken { like duh! } but as there is no progression of labour, I would need to return the next day at 6am to get labour induced.

roast duck, roast duck noodles, roast duck inn box hill

“Go home and rest up because you have a big day tomorrow!” – they said.

I translated it as, “Go eat your FAVOURITE roast duck noodles because you’re hungry!”  { I lived on Roast Duck Inn Roast Duck Noodles during pregnancy, I kid you not! }

Roast Duck Inn on Urbanspoon

17th December 2013 – THE DAY I POPPED A SPROG!

family selfie

5am – Selfie Time!

First, let us take a selfie!  I have fun snapping the last few photos of my precious bump!  We just cannot wait to bring our bundle of joy home!  I simultaneously wonder why the heck I never cleaned my dirty mirror throughout my pregnancy!  I will have forever dirty bump photos.

6.30am – Induction

Checked in at hospital, signed forms, stripped off, hooked up to IV, considered live tweeting / Facebooking of the event with hashtag #lingslabour but decided to savour the precious moment instead, apply red lippy { because beauty blogger! } and then the doctor comes into my birthing suite…

“I need to break your waters as only your hind waters broke yesterday.”
“Okay cool.”

She takes out what looks like a knitting needle and proceeds to jab it up there.  GUSHHHHH!!!!  It’s like a big neverending flood but at least it’s warm.  Like warm pee.

“Your baby’s hand is raised and popping out your cervix so I need to pinch it away to allow your cervix to dilate.”
“Okay cool.”

It turns out that “Okay cool” is my favourite default phrase throughout labour.

“I have to lie in my pool of warm fluid for hours and have my legs spread wide apart and strapped into stirrups?  Okay cool.”

hooked up to IV drugs for labour

10.30am – I NEED AN EPIDURAL!  STAT!

Kudos if you have a drug-free painless birth.  But F this bleep! I have gone over my pain threshold and NEED an epidural.  I also get a catheter stuck in as I can’t get out of bed to go to the loo.  “Okay cool.”

Unfortunately, Bunty does not like the epidural nor does she likes the IV induction drugs so it needs to be adjusted till her heart rate is stabilised.

3pm – Oh Hai There!

My cervix is still not dilated because guess what?  Bunty has raised up her left hand again!!!  She thinks she is Supergirl and she can fly out my ladybits.  Yeah, if only it was THAT simple!

konjac sponge during labour

6pm – Sponge My Bob!

Mr LOL thinks it is hilarious to take unflattering photos of me with a Konjac Sponge on my forehead.  Very mature!!  Do you know that you’re going to be a FATHER in a few hours?!!!

{ Side note :  Preggo ladies, pack a Konjac Sponge in your hospital bag!  Great way to cool you down during labour / mop up sweat / wash your face / pose with #spongeselfie }

7.30pm – Sh*t Is Getting Real!

The 3rd midwife takes over as the others’ shifts have ended.  I can’t believe I have forgotten her name.  But she is young in her twenties and has cool blonde hair with an awesome hair undercut.  When she declares that it is “time to push“, my Mum scurries outside and Mr LOL goes into Ultra-Supportive-Birth-Partner mode!

Epidural gets turned down so I can feel the contractions and push when it stops.  Yep, I can confirm that contractions are P.A.I.N.F.U.L.

Is the pushing part of giving birth like pooping out a big poo?  YES!  If your poos are usually the size of a giant hippo and they come out of your vagina, then yes!  For everyone else who does delicate pebble poos, GOOD LUCK in getting that hipPOO out!

What’s worse than having your legs akimbo and strapped into stirrups?  Vomit.  Yep, I decide to throw up.  Not once, but three times.  For luck.

8pm – The Hippo Is Stuck!

“Did you know that you have a cyst in your left uterine wall?”
“Ummm…I think they mentioned that I had a cyst during an ultrasound appointment…”
“Do you know what type of cyst it is?”
FOOK ME!  How the heck should I know???  Check my EFFKING records!!!  No idea.”
“Well, the baby is stuck.  We are going to set up the theatre and use forceps.  If that doesn’t work, you will need an emergency C-section.”

*blink blink*  WTF?!!!  I don’t know why but I kinda get pissed off.

It’s been 42 hours since my waters broke and now you decide to do a C-section when she’s halfway down my vagina??!!

I channel this inner fury into pushing.  And it works!!!  { in retrospect, after sustaining 3rd degree tears, I wish I had that C-section! }

Bunty's baby legs

9.42pm – Welcome!  We’ve Been Expecting You!

At the final push, Bunty slithers out of my ladybits and at the same time, she raises her left hand again – VICTORY FIST IN THE AIR!!! – and proceeds to rip my delicate bits to shreds.  A third degree tear!  Front to back!  Thanks for that!

The midwife gives her a quick check before placing her on my chest.  And at that SWEET moment, I know that all the blood, sweat and tears has been worth it.  She’s doped up from all the drugs so she doesn’t cry…but it’s okay, because I turn on the waterworks.  Might as well since all my orifices have been opened up today!

She weighs in at 3.83kg (8lb 7 oz) – definitely a HIPPO! – and is 51cm long!

10pm +

This is when all the traumatic shizz happens.  Placenta doesn’t detach, doctor pushes, BIG SPLAT on the floor, bloodbath on the floor, so much blood loss…doctor PUSHES real hard and she manually removes placenta…blah blah…I drift in and out of consciousness…I can hear everything but I don’t even have the energy to answer…I can’t hold my baby anymore…I am sick again and again…they have to sew me up…bad tearing…I can’t feed my baby colostrum so they have to use a syringe to aspirate it…”Are you okay Ling?”…OMG!  I never want to go through this ever again!…Why can’t I speak?…Open my eyes!  Open them!!…Feed the baby…Get up!…Why is she taking so long to sew me back together??…What’s happening??

birth story, newborn baby, cute baby

18th December – After Midnight

My Mum is smitten with Bunty.  I see that naughty left hand!!!

I am given more drugs, I am sewn up, I drink some water and I can finally interact again.  I’m off the epidural and I can get out of bed to take a shower.  I don’t feel any pain thanks to the painkillers, I have to carry around a pee-bag as the catheter is still attached to me and I am no longer leaking out amniotic fluid but blood instead.  YUKS!

After my shower, I am wheeled off with the baby to another delivery suite room because all the wards are full.  Mr LOL and my Mum head home.  I am supposed to sleep but even though I am utterly exhausted, I turn to my side and just watch Bunty the entire night.  I watch her breathe.  I watch her cough and sneeze.  Yep, newborn babies cough and sneeze a lot.  I watch her tiny fingers move.  Now and again, she lets off a little newborn cry and then goes back to sleep.  Her eyes flutter open and then they close.  And I thank God for this amazing beautiful blessing over and over and over again.

birth story of bunty

Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my incredible birth experience with you.  Don’t let it put you off having a hippo because our bundle of joy has brought us so much love and happiness.

If you have any questions regarding my birth story or if you would like to share your birth story, please feel free to leave a comment.

Meet The LOL Family

The LOL family

Since I inappropriately dedicated the first post on Ling Out Loud { LOL } on crap, I totally got in trouble from my sister Y, so to redeem myself, allow me to officially introduce you all to my little LOL Family.

If you already know our backgrounds, then allow me to congratulate you for your excellent social media stalking skills!  But for everyone else who is new to us, please read on.

Ling from Ling Out Loud

Let’s start with little old me.  I’m Ling – that is my real name.  { That is a headshot of me before marriage and motherhood took its toll on me 😛 }  I wanted to be all mysterious and come up with an exotic faux name but I’m rubbish with naming things.  Cases in point – naming my blogs The Best Beauty Blog { big head much? }, Lip Stalker { creepy much? } and now, Ling Out Loud { a play on ‘think out loud’ slash ‘laugh out loud‘ }.  *hangs head in shame*

I think I am slightly silly for starting a new blog when I have limited free time but I knew I had to have a new TMI { TOO MUCH INFO } outlet when I realised how soul-destroying it is to waste my oversharing abilities on writing beauty reviews all the time on my other blogs.  When I wrote a recent vagina post, it kickstarted my mojo and here I am today!  YAY!

Anyway, I’m a Scottish Chinese lass { parents are from Hong Kong } but moved to Australia in 2009.  During my stay in Sydney, I met my now-husband – he’s kinda shy and wishes to remain anonymous so let’s call him Mr LOL { totes original but at least, it’s better than The Procrappinator, right? }  We got married within 8 months of meeting each other because I really needed a visa to stay in Australia.  Haha, just kiddddding!

I’ve recently re-ignited my passion for photography and I’ve even taken my DSLR out of the house.  Not hanging it round my neck like a total tourist, but hanging it off my shoulder like a total banker with a W.  It’s semi-embarrassing but the camera on my new iPhone 6 is not fantastic…although I am looking forward to getting a selfie stick so I can take photos of our little family.

Anyway, as you may have gathered, I have a cheeky, crazy, sarcastic sense of humour with a tendency to overshare.

Mr LOL and Ling

The Procrappinator Mr LOL, the amazing man of my dreams and the loving father to my children, is a human wind machine { farting is one of his super powers! }.  He loves food glorious food, Apple gadgets, watching sports and DIY home improvement stuff { he loves watching Better Homes & Gardens for inspiration }.  Sadly, he doesn’t share my love of blogging because he describes himself as “a man of few words“, but I have my { dirty } ways to squeeze a word or two out of him for future blog posts so keep your eyes peeled.

We decided to expand our family in 2013 but after losing two heartbeats within one year, we decided to take a break as I was physically and emotionally done.  Well, the Big Guy Upstairs { God } had other plans and we found out I was pregnant AGAIN within this same year.

40 weeks and 2 days later, our little Bunty { not her real name but we would have named her that if it didn’t rhyme with a certain C-U-Next-Tuesday word } popped out and changed our lives { and my ladybits! #TMI } forever.

ling out loud, cutest baby ever

Bunty is 10.5 months old.  Two-teethed, cheeky chatterbox with chubby thighs!  Crawling everywhere and learning to stand unassisted for 5 seconds these days.  She loves to put everything into her mouth.  She hates headbands with a vengeance but that won’t stop me from putting them on her!  She also gives the best cuddles!

Cliché as it sounds, she is my everything and I love her sooooo much…except for the never-ending snot and stinky nappies! #foreverwipingbumsandnoses

I just cannot believe I helped make such a cutie and she came out from down there because everything else I’ve made and come out from down there in that area thus far has been…well…literally, shi… CRAP!  { gosh, I do talk a lot about crap, don’t I?! }

Anyway, Bunty is another reason why this blog exists.  In the future, when she can finally understand the power of the written word, I want her to be a blogging superstar that I failed to be I want her to read this blog and smile at the family stories I’ve shared, laugh at the ridiculous things I write about and cringe at the photos that were taken.  It will be great to relive the memories together as I’m sure my Nemo-memory cannot retain all the treasured moments so blogging will keep me accountable in documenting things.

On that note, my next post will be on my birth experience so if that’s something you’re interested, please come back and visit!

Care to share about you and your family?  If you have a lifestyle blog, feel free to leave a link below so I can check it out because I am nosey like that.

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