procaffeinating, procrastinating meme, procrappinating, lol meme

I used to be skilled at procrastinating till I realised procaffeinating { drinking tea (or Diet Coke) whilst procrastinating } was more fun.

Last night, I had an epiphany; a new word formed in my head.  It turns out that there is an ultimate stage of procrastination which a lot of people have been doing since day dot…but there is NO KNOWN WORD for this…until NOW!

And that is…


Doing a big huge ass smelly dump instead of doing something more urgent.

Genius, right??!!!

You see, last night, I was tucked up in bed watching the latest episode of The Apprentice UK { I love me some Sugar lovin’! } when I started to notice a stench fill the air.  It couldn’t have been the baby as she, herself, was snoozing happily in Baby Dreamland in her cot in her own room.  And then I heard a snigger…

I was so engrossed in the episode that I hadn’t noticed that my dearest Husband had stopped folding the laundry { yep, he is a housekeeping Husband } and snuck into our en-suite to do his business.  With the door wide open, he was stinking out the joint with the presence of his excrement…whilst sniggering away at something on his iPad.  And guess what?  He stayed there for a good 45 minutes enjoying the essence of his poop.

I pinched my nostrils shut and yelled “Stop procrappinating!” – the birth of a new word!

He replied with another PLOP! followed by another snigger!  Lovely!

And wait for this…

black and white

I am married to The Procrappinator!!!  { okay, it sounds funnier in my head! }

On a side note, as self-appointed Queen of TMI { that’s Too Much Info for all the acronym noobs reading this }, I thought I’d overshare and let you know that I am actually slightly jealous of my procrappinating Husband because I wish I could procrappinate.

Why?  What happened? – I imagine you asking with furrowed brows of immense interest in my predicament…


I’ve been seeing a Pelvic Physio { she must have the most interesting work stories everrrr! } after giving birth last year, thanks to a 3rd degree tear, and on Wednesday afternoon’s appointment, she stuck her finger up my…how shall I put this?…crap-hole { a polite version of a$$hole } and made me do exercises for a good solid 10 minutes.

FACT : I have not stopped clenching my butt cheeks since then { glutes of steel }…and I may never unclench them ever again!!!

I have not touched cloth since that day { Where are you my dear TURDLE? (yes, I have actually named my crap!) } so yeah, there aint no procrappinating for sad little old me for a while!!  

IN CONCLUSION : The Procappinator is now married to The Constipator!

Moving on, if you’ve read this far, congratulations!  You have just finished reading the first post on Ling Out Loud…and I, literally, blogged about crap!!!  If TMI-ness is your cup of tea, don’t forget to subscribe for regular updates because knowing me and my tendency to word vomit, there’s definitely plenty more of where that came from!

I have also set up Facebook, Instagram and Twitter @LingOutLoud for regular spamming of daily rants, baby pics, food porn, selfies and random shizz, but please do NOT feel obligated to follow me there because there’s nothing worse than being forced to ‘friend’ someone when you don’t really want to.  It’s how I feel when my mum’s cousin’s long-lost dog’s owner’s sister sends me a Facebook friend request…

And it’s over to you in the comments section!  How do you procrastinate?  Are you a Procrappinator too?  Any words of advice to help me from dying from constipation?